It’s important to take your time when seeking prostate orgasm. Let go and let your body. Do not expect it in only days. No pressure. The wait is worth it.
When trying to achieve a hands-free O (either wet or dry), it’s critical to not thrust your prostate toy like there’s no tomorrow.
Instead, LET GO and LET YOUR HOLE.
This advice applies no matter what kind of P-spot massager you’re using: But later I’ll have specific “101” extra tips for both Aneros; and Njoy (Pure Wand), which is more exploration + technique; and for fuck-machine prostate massage and pegging.
Mind & Prostate Connection
As guys we might try to use more force to pound our prostate into “pleasure”, thinking we can get that elusive prostate super-Orgasm by simply… fucking ourselves harder.
“Nah,” says your spot.
Reaching a hands-free orgasm, and the “super O” most of all, requires you to learn to let your body reach that special place on its own – with minimum interference. This may be called “rewiring” as it’s a mental adjustment.
A quick synopsis is: Not forcing it, but learning to be mindful of your breathing and contractions. You let your mind, your body and your prostate do their thing together. It’s something of a meditation practice:
Nothing to do with chakras or yoga mats, of course (but it is good to have certain other “mats”: like towels you don’t mind messing up or a waterproof blanket.) Rather, this kind of mind exercise is about learning to let intrusive and distracting thoughts float by, unengaged; as you get to focus on breathing deeply and calmly. Your goal: RELAXATION. It’s harder than it sounds.
On Kegel Clenches for Building Prostate Orgasm
“Kegels” are contractions of the pubococcygeus (or “PC”) muscles, which directly support the prostate. You’re directed to do reps, sets of Kegel clenches, to build up strength – typically by stopping the flow of your urine as you pee. But, don’t do this often while peeing, as that can damage the bladder. Only try it till you understand how to tighten your PC muscles.
This is an important preliminary to trying for a prostate O – knowing how the PC muscles feel as they tighten, and knowing how hard you can clench. But kegels alone likely won’t get you to the best result. The best prostate orgasms, whole-body sessions that last hours, need you to learn to be relaxed & breathe, undistracted. After that, you’re ready for:
Reaching the Super-O: 14 Tested Steps
Key points for how to start out with the P-spot orgasm mindset follow. Most important is: DON’T FORCE THIS. Prostate O’s are amazing but – ironically – if you start any session (when new to prostate play) with “I must grab this orgasm right now,” then you’re more likely to push too hard, get frustrated and give up.
I picked up the initial awareness practice when dealing with a sudden, traumatic life event 15 years back, where I needed to learn how to de-stress and regain peace of mind. Since then, the practice of being in touch with my body+mind and deep breathing has served to help me before “coulda been stressful” events – from job interviews, to jiu-jitsu competitions, and the time my friends pushed me up on stage still sober to do karaoke. (I am not a performer!) What I’ve learned about how to let go, to enjoy more:
- First get comfortable – Remove any restrictive clothes, take off your pants, then lay down in your bed.
- Breathe first: Deeply, calmly. Feel that you can push down while breathing out deeply – but don’t contract hard. Exhale more slowly than you ever have. Here you’re employing your vagus nerve to switch off your “fight or flight” response, and let you fully rest.
- Your mind will be twitching, looking for some way to distract you. Feel it suggesting things – and just watch each thought, looking at it as if you’re an outside observer.
- Next, barely kegel, clenching your PC muscles lightly. Here you’re awakening the spot, not clenching hard.
- Then, only imagine clenching your PC muscles, then stop. Move on to pointing the tips of your toes, then relax. Imagine the same pointing action in your mind after, so your mind recreates the motion as if it is was doing it again. This is key for establishing that your mind is observing and controlling it all. Move through both feet, actually moving and then imagining. Work up to each leg; then to arching your belly forward, then to raising your shoulders and last, lifting your head up from the pillow – with each action, imagining the same movement in your mind right after.
- Now you should feel very relaxed, in a warm place. Have your prostate toy ready, now; lubed up and prepared for insertion. Continue with slow, outward deep breaths as you:
- Don’t shove the plug in, but carress your anus with it. Play, slowly. Only pushing in a fraction of an inch at a time. Your anus will begin accepting the toy, when it’s ready. (This is assuming you have a toy that’s the right size for your experience level – first anal toys should be no more than 1.25″ diameter.)
- Find the best position for you and this toy. With Aneros, that’s usually laying on your side at first, bottom leg extended and top leg folded. I’ve also found side-lay more relaxing with other prostate plugs, glass prostate dildos, and even vibrating plugs. But with Njoy’s Pure Wand, you’ll likely benefit most from lying on your back so the bulb is sticking up, to press inward firmly. (Pure Wand technique is a whole other post, however.)
- Now: continue breathing, and feeling all the sensations. Don’t clench hard intentionally but let the wave of contraction come, if it comes.
- To build arousal: You can now think about any major turn-on for you, whether that’s groping breasts or handling ass, or having a partner cum hard on your dick, whatever works. Keep breathing out, and let yourself observe what your hole is doing.
- Let all the feelings your hole and P-spot and nips, etc. are producing, be registered in your mind, but not clung to. Let them swim by, see what the next feeling is after that. They build up in pleasure, as you breath deeper – and slowly, patiently, massage. (Or let your Aneros move for you, as the case may be.)
- Arousal will ebb and flow, and can even recede suddenly. To build a new wave of P-spot sensation: first, lightly brush each nipple. One, then the other. You’re not pinching or twisting, just running a fingertip over. Light nipple touches are excellent for building up prostate play.
- If you still need more: Don’t full-kegel, but clench a quarter of what you can. Then, let go fully, and: Run your fingertip over your penis’ head. You’re avoiding stroking it – again, brush lightly. Last, form an oval with your fingers and encircle your cockhead, just letting your fingers rest there surrounding, not squeezing. You can also choose to use a soft washcloth to brush against the frenulum, or a feather. Also, lightly brush each nipple again… you may see precum leaking. If you want to jerk off, there’s nothing wrong with that – but for a full prostate session – and the potential for full body Os – it’s preferable to avoid anything but the lightest penis stimulation.
- It’s normal to get closer to prostate orgasm but not reach it for at least the first few tries. It’s not “Practice makes perfect” but “Experience makes easier” (to reach a hands-free prostate O). What you’ll feel with a super-O: Waves of sensation building, as your spot gets ready, and will begin to contract itself with increasing pressure. The waves of pleasure expand outward, rippling through your core, as the orgasm flows out. It’ll reach your legs, arch your back, even rock your neck and head as the super-O progresses. Remember to never force more clenching, but continue to watch and let the full body feeling flow as it pleases. I’ve had prostate orgasms that took me for half an hour, at least – you lose time, as the … it sounds cheesy, but they are waves of pleasure – echo all through you.
These steps are listed in order, but in the middle section, the #s can be switched around – what your body tells you is right, is right.
If you’re hitting a plateau and can’t reach HFDO or Super-O: Many find that THC (in any form including 🍃💨) helps them relax to finally reach a new level of prostate orgasm.
Ass Play & Stigma – How to avoid shooting down your pleasure
When you’re in your own ass, if you’re a straight guy starting prostate play, it’s not uncommon to get caught in “Is this OK?” or even “this doesn’t make me gay, right?” kind of questions. (While probably telling yourself, “Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay”.)
The truth is that enjoying anal sex has zero to do with sexual orientation. It only means you have a rectum + prostate, with the capacity for much pleasure, and you have an open mind to try finding that. It’s normal.
So, let those thoughts float by too, and get back to the relaxing + feelings your spot and your mind can deliver to your whole body.
Practical Prostate Play Preparation
That’s all about the prostate play mind+body connection, but what about practical tips?
Ya know, like not making a mess.
First, you either want a few towels you don’t care about, or buy a large, soft, waterproof dog blanket. This is just in case – in case you pull a toy out too fast (avoid it) and poop happens. Or if you reach too far in, hard, and are stimulating your bladder, in which case peeing can happen during P-spot play.
If you want to douche beforehand to avoid smears on your toys: it’s not required and some people have no problem, but you can use a small slow-flow enema bulb. Get one that prevents against backflow. Aneros has a good one where you can dispense the water slowly. Do this over the toilet. Here, you’re wanting to cleanse your rectum of debris only, not to get up into your colon – it’s safer.
Of course, have your lubricant ready. Good lube can change anal instantly from painful to pleasurable. I like virgin coconut oil best, for long-term plugging most – and for pegging too. Use a clean spoon each time you scoop some out. More best anal lubes by lubricant type here.
May the P-spot force be with you, my fellow explorers 🫡